Cynical Nation

I wonder if my friend Chet was involved in the recent powder bombing of Tony Blair in the name of father's rights. Chet was a "men's liberationist." He shared the radical feminist view of marriage as an institution of slavery, but he differed as to which party was being enslaved. When we lived in Paris more than a decade ago, I'd spend many a night listening to Chet expound his theories over Neil Young music and many liters of Alsacian malt liquor. While I regarded many of his views as bullshit, I also found them endlessly fascinating. I'll try to share one of them with you now, as accurately as my beer-faded memory will allow. Chet, if you're out there, correct me if I'm wrong.

According to Chet, men and women each have a primary and a secondary fantasy. For a woman, the primary fantasy is a husband, a house, two kids and a dog, and a stable, secure home life. Her secondary fantasy is Enrique the gardener. A man's secondary fantasy is much the same as a woman's primary fantasy. His primary fantasy, however, is the Swedish Bikini Team. So why is a bride's wedding day the happiest day of her life? Because it represents the triumph and fulfillment of her primary fantasy. Simultaneously, however, we have the subordination of the husband's primary fantasy primary fantasy to his secondary. The rough male equivalent of a wedding would be having the Swedish Bikini Team parachute into your backyard, and to have a 1,000-foot high brick wall suddenly spring up from the ground, surrounding your house for all eternity.

That's the theory in a nutshell, at least as well as I remember. I'm still not sure I completely buy it, but, as with many of Chet's screeds, it has given me ample food for thought over the years. Chet, you should start your own blog, dude.