Cynical Nation: Nation brought to its knees by "Not One Damn Dime!"

It began quietly enough, with a handful of dedicated, left-leaning activists urging an economic boycott to protest the inauguration of Bush's second term. The "Not One Damn Dime!" movement had its scoffers and detractors, but no one was laughing when the shock waves of the boycott were felt throughout the global economy, leaving a swath of financial ruin in their wake.


On Wednesday, Brad Smith was a bond trader with a seven-figure bonus. Today, he wonders when he'll get his next meal.

By 9:35 AM, the New York Stock Exchange was forced to shut down due to a complete lack of buyers, lest stock prices be driven to worthlessness. The other major stock markets soon followed suit.

Within an hour, the ripples had spread throughout the global economy. Foreign governments, unnerved by what was transpiring, instantly cashed in their treasury bonds. By 10:30 AM, the United States Treasury was officially bankrupt, and was forced to default on its obligations for the first time in its history.

News of this crisis spread rapidly via the internet, causing a nationwide run on the banks. Eyewitnesses reported scenes of absolute chaos and mayhem. People were trampled, and the National Guard was deployed in many states to restore order.

Retailers across the continent shut down, less from lack of customers than from the state of utter anarchy which prevailed throughout most of the country by noon. By 2 PM, a state of martial law nominally existed, but the military found itself helplessly unable to restore order. The existing commercial infrastructure lay in ruins, replaced by black markets and a barter economy. Prostitution and armed robbery were widespread throughout the most affluent neighborhoods, and the ghettos were in flames.

The White House, rocked by the collapse of the global economy, was forced to address the public. Karl Rove held a press conference in which he broke down sobbing, expressing deep regret that his administration's policies had led to such ruin and devastation. He resigned on live national television.

By 5 PM, George W. Bush was also expressing his intention to resign. "I am so, so very deeply sorry," Bush said. "I now see the error of our ways. I have learned my lesson, and I deeply regret my idiotic and wrongheaded policies. If there were any way to take it back, I would. Effective at 8 PM this evening, I will resign the office of the presidency. I would do so sooner, but I must first fire Vice President Cheney, and replace him with John F. Kerry. As soon as Kerry is confirmed by an emergency session of Congress, I will resign my office, effective immediately. At that point, President Kerry can begin the process of rebuilding this nation, together with its ruined economy and tarnished reputation. Once again, I am so, so sorry...."