Cynical Nation

*Ahem*

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, and all through the café
The soy lattés were foaming, the mood bright and gay,
The stockings were hung (and so's Peter North)
In hopes that indictments would soon be brought forth

Some Kossacks were sleeping, despite Howard Dean's screams
While a jumpsuited Karl pranced 'round in their dreams.
The mood was electric, suspense filled the air
With tie-dye and "Che" shirts and beaded footwear

But all the excitement was taking its toll
An elderly hippie was sparking a bowl
"I can't fucking stand it!!" Randi Rhodes finally cried,
"What's the big hold-up? They all fucking LIED!!!!"

When on CNN there arose such a commotion
That Atrios dropped his Kleenex and lotion
"We've got big breaking news," the anchorman said
"The Miers nomination is officially dead."

"Shit, fucking shit!!" Kos spit out his soy
"This bullshit is all some Rovian ploy!!
They want us distracted, so no one will see
The Karl and Scooter perp walk on TV!!"

"It won't work this time," Josh Marshall said calmly
"(By the way, that Garofalo chick sure is homely!)
But I've got an exclusive, from a leak overseas
About the Downing Street Memo and WMDs."

Al Franken leapt up and kicked Josh to the floor
"Spare us all that, Josh, we've heard it before!
All of that bullshit that you've ever told us
Has never panned out, it's all just been bogus!"

The tension was broken by a knock at the door.
"I have fifty large pizzas for a Mr. Michael Moore?"
But since the rotund director was not seen to be near
Oliver Willis answered with, "Just leave those here."

But Michael emerged from behind the pastry counter
The trays were all empty, and he a bit rounder
And they all had the munchies, so they started to fight
Merry Fitzmas to all, and to all a good night.